Being in New York for the weekend was really therapeutic. I got to spend time with my sister and my best friend and didn't worry about homework and all of the stresses that I have to deal with soon. I don't always do well in times of change because I like having my routine and knowing my what my plans are. I had my first NYC job interview over the phone yesterday so that was exciting! But I am feeling a bit anxious about where I am going to end up and if it will be a good fit for me. I guess I will just have to trust that I will eventually find the right job!
I've been feeling really inspired lately in many ways. I submitted an op-ed piece to the Hartford Courant (let's cross our fingers that it gets published, if not I might just publish it here). I've been attending a lot of events at UCONN (I even spoke at one of them!) so I can soak up all the education I can while I'm still there. I've been wanting to participate in more activism and advocacy. And I've been thinking about my educational future.
I feel like I've been bouncing back pretty well from everything I wrote about in my Getting Personal blog post. However, last night I experienced a pretty significant setback. I was walking the dog that I was watching through West Hartford Center. I live very close to the center so I enjoy strolling there when the weather is nice. I turned and saw the guy who I previously wrote about walking towards me arm in arm with who must have been his new girlfriend. I was in shock and I turned to my friend in a panic and pointed him out. I couldn't believe this was happening. I was fully prepared to never see this person again. I also never expected to see him in West Hartford because he lives a few towns away. As he passed me, I knew he saw me because he literally raised his arm up in an attempt to cover his face (really!?) and kept walking.
We didn't speak, or acknowledge each other's existence in any way, but I know he saw me, and I assume he knows I saw him. It was really unnerving to see him at all, let alone with another girl. I guess I am just wondering how he felt seeing me, if he feels guilty or bad about the way that he treated me. But at the same time, I feel stupid wondering these things because I will never know the answers. I once again question how it is possible for people to treat each other so poorly and go about living their lives like nothing happened. I just know that I would feel really, really terrible if I did to someone, what this guy has done to me.
It's hard when you feel like you've reached a point of recovery then something happens to push you back a bunch of steps. Making yourself vulnerable to others is very difficult and unfortunately in times when I have been hurt by someone I wonder if it is worth it. I know it is worth it, because that's what being human is about. I also know I am a strong and resilient woman who can get through all of this and I have friends and family who are supporting me. I am so grateful for that.